Through these eyes
by hikariangel1988
Summary: My name is Terra...and this is my story...OneShot


Through These Eyes

Sitting here in a dark corner, the regret I feel sometimes consumes me. It is the craziest feeling, after all that I've been through almost none of it seemed worth it. I used to be happy. I remember that feeling well, being able to be laugh and smile, it was so wonderful back then. When I was a little kid it felt like life couldn't get any better. Then I became a teenager, and discovered I had powers. That's when all the trouble started, I wish I had never had this power, it is tremendous, this power is both a blessing and a curse. I had it, I could've saved lives and made a difference, but instead I made things worse.

There's more to me than meets the eye, I know you've never seen it. There's more to me than meets the eye, if only you could inside. If you could see through these eyes you'd realize that there is so much more to me than you thought you knew.

You saw me as a traitor. I know you won't deny it. Everyone that's reading this has felt this way so don't lie. I may be a traitor but at least I know the truth. You all stare at me as if I am the ugliest thing to ever walk the earth; I don't mean anything do I? When you watched me die you probably laughed right? You probably thought it's a good thing that she died, she betrayed the titans and did so many terrible things now no one will have to put up with her.

Well, you can think of me what you want, I don't care. There are times when I'm not even sure what I think of myself. I've had this feeling for quite a long time now. Ever since I've got those powers they have been nothing but trouble. Yes I'll admit they were cool at first. Who hasn't wanted cool powers? Who hasn't wanted to show off their talents to the world and have their spot in the lime light? I'll admit, I loved having those powers at first. The little kids would go up to me and watch me with admiration. They always thought it was cool that I had power, they looked up to me- they wanted to be just like me, at least that's what I was told. I wish they had never said that now, they don't want to be anything like me, why should they? After all the terrible things I've done I don't think they should even be around me. Well, I'm dead now so that shouldn't be too much of a problem should it?

Still, what happened on my 13th birthday continues to haunt me even past my life. Even past death...

I never meant to hurt anyone, I never knew the rock I made would crush him, it was an accident. I tried to explain what had happened but no one seemed to want to listen to me, no one. It was as if I didn't matter, or maybe I never did matter to them. The adults, even my parents, saw me as cocky, and most expected me to turn out the way I did. Ever since the death of Jacob, my sweet little cousin, everyone had turned against me. Even the little kids stopped looking up to me, and who could blame them? My parents felt that what I had done was done on purpose, so I was kicked out on to the streets, forced to start a new life...

I wish they had believed me when I told them it was an accident. I would never kill someone on intention, no matter how mad I get I know that is wrong. I tried to explain to them but they didn't listen. Now that I think of it when did they _ever_ listen? They were never really there for me, they just wanted to keep me until I got my powers. Even when I was younger not many of the adults liked me, I could see the hatred in their eyes when they looked into mine and talked. I could feel their distrust towards me immediately. Even as a young child I was treated terribly. I would go to preschool and I would be the only child treated differently. I remember the first day of school I was sent to the corner; they said I was too "over imaginative"

I was only 4 years old, I didn't know any better. I wasn't aware of my powers in the least. Yet I got those cold stares from everyone, even my classmates. I was sent to the corner every day and had to stay there until the preschool program ended. I was treated similar to this in kindergarten and in my early school years as well. When I became older I got treated a bit better, but it wasn't enough- it wasn't enough to cure all the pain and sadness I'd been through. By that time it was too late, I was an outcast, I was...I don't know...I guess I was just too..._different._ I eventually learned to trust people again, and for awhile I felt like things were changing, and that maybe I'd have a chance at being normal, being just like everyone else. I thought that for once in my life maybe I'd be able to fit in- but I was wrong. I'm always wrong.

My powers were discovered and at first I was admired, but then one accident happened and suddenly I'm back to being an outcast again. I did alright on the streets, I guess you could say, but it was lonely. I spent most of my time out in hiding, secluded from the rest of the world. I know I was spotted though, at least a few times I've seen kids pass by me and immediately know who I was and what I had done. I always hid in different places, but somehow I was always found and criticized. I remember once things got so bad they wanted killed. They got their wish, just not as soon as they'd have liked.

Once I realized people were after me I knew it was my time to go somewhere else, it was time to prove to the world I was someone different. I wanted to prove that I wasn't a villain, but a hero, not even that really. All I wanted, all I've ever wanted, was to be accepted. So I ran away from the city to various places and tried to fight crime. No matter what happened, and no matter how high the stakes were, I wanted to prove to people once and for all that I was someone they could trust, so I fought long and hard. I'd fight until I won, I often passed out during battles; but I never gave up. I fought with my powers, and I made sure that I was far away from homes,buildings,and people. I didn't want the same thing happening twice. The control of my powers got better, but I still had a long way to go. I think I understand now, what had happened. I did not mean to crush Jacob- after I turned into a teenager I had gone through a lot. Hormones kicked in and so did the powers, they were both extra strong; it was too hard to control two things at once, so my emotions weren't in balance, which meant that my powers weren't in balance either. I learned a long time ago that your emotions affect the way your powers work, I noticed it when I was fighting. You have to have at least a considerable amount of control to your emotions, because if you do you'll be able to control your powers- but if you don't it can be a curse and you'll have almost no control at all.

One day I was flying through the mountains, my powers had really improved and after being away from so many of the people that had hated me I'd really been able to get a grip on my emotions better. I was still depressed, from the things of the past, I'm usually not one to dwell but there's a first time for everything, but at least I wasn't known as a murderer or wanted criminal here. Here I was just known as, Terra. One day while I was fighting I met a group of teenagers who called themselves the teen titans. They offered me a place to stay, and I was never more greatful. They knew of my powers and offered to have me fight with them.

I remember how great that had felt. I finally got a chance, I finally got a chance to fight with the teen titans. But,while I was fighting, something happened, and I began to lose control again. I made the place we were at nearly collapse. At that point I figured I never really had gained control of my powers, I had just gotten used to being alone. I had never improved, at all...

Beastboy tried to help me but it was no use. He'd found out about my problems controlling my powers and he promised not to tell anyone. He'd lied to me. He should've never promised me that. The minute I was an official titan the leader told me he knew I had trouble controlling my powers and that we'd have to work on it, Beastboy was the only one I'd told, so he must've broken his promise and told everyone; how else would Robin have known?

Back in the cave earlier I'd gotten a message from Slade, he said that he could help me keep control of my powers. I took him up on his offer and soon after became his apprentice. I had dissapeared from the titans sight, so they figured I had left. But I had been there all along, I just wasn't on their side. Slade made me join the titans aftear a few months, he said that if I posed as a titan they would tell me everything, which would be the perfect chance for him to destroy them.

He told me that I was doing much better at controlling my powers, but if I ever wanted true control I would have to what he said, so I went back to the titans and became a member.

At first my mission was to get as much dirt on the titans I could find, but as I lived with them I began to realize just how important they were to me, not just as information, but as friends. After awhile I truly believed that they were helping me. However a mission was a mission, and if I even dared try to betray Slade he too would be after me. Besides, I still needed to have complete control of my powers; so I continued to work for Slade and betray the titans without their knowledge. There were many times when I felt regret, for using them like that. It wasn't fair and after all they had done they didn't deserve it. I was finally beginnning to fit in, and I think while I was there I might've even found my first love.

However the time was coming, and I knew it. I gave Slade access to the titan's tower and his minions got in and took over destroying everything they had.

After that, it was war, it was our side versus the titans and we were winning. When the titans found out I was betraying them they were so mad, I think they wanted to kill me as well. And I don't blame them, after doing all that to them I think I deserved everything I've gone through.

Yes in the end I was able to get control, but how far did it really lead me? I had made up with my friends and betrayed Slade, but even then it felt as if I had done something wrong. When I managed to get off the stuff that was controlling me my anger had been chanelled into the rock and caused a volcano eruption. It was so big it seemed as if no one could stop it...

I felt horrible. After all I'd done my friends still wanted me to be with them, but I felt that I had to keep my commitment and prove to people who I really am. So I stayed behind and tried to stop the volcano. I ended up stopping the big eruption just in time, but I didn't stop it in enough time apparently. The minute I stopped the volcano eruption from destroying the city was also the minute that the eruption that did happen killed me.

I had finally found control but somehow it didn't feel right. I still feel like a criminal now more than ever. I still feel like everything is my fault; and that I never deserved a second chance but I was given it.

I wanted to seek control of my powers but in the end my powers ended up controlling me and lead me to an even worse person than I had been.

Maybe one day when this is all off of me I can start over fresh. I'll learn to control my powers, I'll go back to the titans, I'll learn to control my emotions, but most of all, I'll learn to trust my friends...

_Terra:A teen Titan, a true friend._

Maybe one day I'll be able to prove that message as true...

**The end**

_**OOC: That's the end of my story I hope you liked it. Reviews would be nice but they are not necessary. I don't know why I started writing this but it just kind of came to me and I felt like I had to write it, it's basically trying to get people to see things more through Terra's perspective. I know it's not that good but...thanks for reading anyway:) Michelle**_


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